Zombie Plan Tips – Brought To You By Zomboni.Co
The Department Of Zombie Elimination And Defense recommends that all families and individuals have a contingency plan in case of a Z virus outbreak or worse, an apocalypse. When preparing a shelter for long term occupation, make sure you have plenty of water, canned goods and toilet paper.
One often over-looked yet indispensable tool is the hazmat suit. Not only does a good hazmat suit protect you from projectile vomiting and infection, it can also help you blend into a Zombie horde.
The Zomboni Company makes the perfect hazmat suit for your Zombie plan. It’s made from a tensile material that cannot be ripped or penetrated in any way. Not only does it provide protection, it also comes in a variety of scents to mask the smell of human flesh. In addition, Zomboni has added zombie-like features to it’s hazmat suit – sunken eye sockets, sallow cheek bones and an open, menacing, teethy, false mouth – that make you look like one of Them. And of course, everyone moves like a Zombie when in a hazmat suit. Escape is easy; just join the shambling herd then fall to the back and slip away undetected.
Features of the Zomboni Hazmat Suit:
- Blend In With A Horde Of Zombies Without Being Detected.
- Your Choice Of Scents
- Air filters
- Internal Food Storage System
- Toilet interface
(Disclaimer – If you are mistakenly decapitated, tripped, infected, or blown- up while wearing our hazmat suit it is not our fault. We refer you to our 11,000 page licensing agreement and our 4,000 staff lawyers.)
Tip Of The Day: Surround Your House With A Trip Wire.
If you would just calm down and stop panicking long enough you will realize that Zombies are basically stupid. The very feature that makes them terrifying, their relentless forward motion, can also be their downfall. A good trip wire around your home is all you need to create a Zombie train wreck and pile-up.
You do not want to set up this trip wire too close to your home, unless you want a pile of Zombies on your front lawn. Set the wire perimeter at least 2000 yds. from your home. A trip wire attached to an alarm system is the most effective and efficient set-up. If you are not a do-it-yourselfer the Zomboni Company makes a complete trip wire and early warning alarm system. It ‘s easy to install and easy to use.
A trip wire will deter the horde but unfortunately leave a toxic mess on your property. Ultimately you will still have to either flee or risk catching the virus. The trip wire gives you enough time to gather your family, pets, grab your survival kit and head for Montana. Do not leave your house without your hazmat suit. Zomboni hazmat suit before you leave your home. Then make your escape using either a Zomboni helicopter or Zomboni’s signature product: “the Zomboni”.
Zomboni.Co Product Packages:
- Hazmat Suit
- Trip Wire Alarm System
- The “Zomboni”
Zomboni.Co Family Packages:
- 2 Hazmat Suits
- Trip Wire Alarm System
- The Zomboni Helicopter (Seats 4 comfortably.)
- Additional Hazmat suits available at a 35% discount.
10% off ALL Zomboni.Co products courtesy of The Dept. Of Zombie Elimination And Defense. Coupon Code: ZPlan113
If you have a Zombie plan tip we would like to hear it. Contact us below.